Keeping your birds in the nest
Deciding where your children will live when you’re going through a relationship breakdown and separation is no easy task.
One arrangement that is increasingly popular is called “bird-nesting” or simply “nesting”, where the children remain living in the house, and parents take turns each week staying with them.
It’s an ideal solution for the early days of a split – the kids stay in the home they’re used to with all their belongings, they don’t have to change schools, and there’s no concerns over where pets are going to live.
For parents, they get one week with the children, and one week living elsewhere in their own space. It’s a great idea for the short term at least, while property settlements and future parenting arrangements are made.
However, it’s not easy and given the current state of the housing and rental market, maintaining your current home and one or two other properties could be a financial stretch.
Here are a few tips on how to make nesting work for you and your family:
- Communication is key! Make sure you and your ex clearly communication expectations, preferences, and boundaries. Be respectful of each other.
- Decide on some ground rules. Some families will continue to have dinner together one night a week for example. Ensure you are both comfortable with the level of contact.
- Create a schedule. This includes the time each parent is in the house, changeover times, school pick up and drop off, and other activities. It’s also a good idea to have a schedule for chores – it’s not fair for one parent to return to a messy house.
- Involve your children. If your kids are old enough, make sure they know what’s going on.
- Have a backup plan. What will you do if one parent is sick?
- Seek support. That can be from friends and family or seek counselling if you need it. That goes for the children as well.
It’s important to remember nesting is not for everyone – it’s the kind of arrangement that will only work if your split is amicable and likely to remain that way. You must be able to communicate clearly and calmly with your former partner, and you must be flexible.
It’s also important to remember it’s probably not a long-term solution. It can be expensive, and your home and other properties may eventually have to be sold to complete the property settlement.
And of course, any situation that involves violence or abuse is not one where nesting would be safe or appropriate.
Each family law matter is unique and needs to be addressed according to your personal circumstances.
If you’d like to discuss nesting arrangements, or any other parenting arrangements, or family law issues, please contact Michael Lynch Family Lawyers on: (07) 3221 4300 or email: [email protected]
