Shared parenting v parallel parenting
When a relationship breaks down, parents are often faced with the difficult decision of deciding on a parenting style that suits both parents, yet still upholds the best interests of the children.
The concept of Shared Parenting is one that is adopted by most families. Shared Parenting promotes co-operation, collaboration and communication between parents and is the most ideal for children as they grow up, as they see their parents being a joint role model in their lives.
However, in cases where parents are in high conflict, or are simply unable to communicate with each other, a new concept has emerged called Parallel Parenting.
Parallel Parenting is for parents who are unable to keep up a united front for their children. Essentially, while the parents have joint or shared custody of the children, they live completely separate lives and do not communicate at all beyond the bare minimum expected of parents.
A recent case
A recent case highlighted this new form of parenting arrangement.
The parents in this case both conceded their communication with each other was poor. Their parenting styles were vastly different and there was a high level of animosity between them.
Both of their daughters, aged 10 and 12, told the court they wished their parents to “cease their dispute” or at the very least, not involve them in their arguments.
The judge found that a Parallel Parenting model would “anticipate that the children will come to know and understand … the differences between their parents’ households and that such become a routine in their lives”.
He added that while both were separately, good parents, together they were causing distress to their daughters.
“They are both intelligent and well-educated individuals,” the judge said.
“The incapacity of these parents is a simple and obvious one. They have not yet learned to prioritise their children’s need over their own residual and often petty disputes.”
A Parallel Parenting arrangement allowed for the children to have a “week about” living arrangement with both parents.
The parents were also ordered to cease discussing any serious long-term issues with their children unless both parents had agreed to it in writing; that they could initiate communication only by letter or email; they could not enter into the other one’s home; and that communication between the children and the non-resident parent take place only by the children initiating that contact.
An option, but not ideal
Parallel Parenting can be a positive way for conflicting parents to have equal time with their children but not involve the children in their own disputes.
It also allows children to have a meaningful relationship with each parent in the confines of that parent’s environment at any time, without the interference of the other parent.
However, the judge in this case conceded Parallel Parenting was far from ideal.
“Such a model virtually accepts that the problem is not capable of rectification,” he said.
“It has children missing out on the benefits of flexibility and mutuality in their parenting and living arrangements regardless of their parents’ separation. The deficiencies of the parents will remain apparent to the children, but in the hope that they can establish routines in each, but separate, households.”
In general, courts prefer a Shared Parenting system, but for those people who really struggle to communicate effectively with their former partner, Parallel Parenting might be a solution.
Give us a call
To discuss parenting orders, divorce, or any other family law issue, please contact Michael Lynch Family Lawyers on: (07) 3221 4300 or email: [email protected]
