Toxic parenting on both sides – who gets custody?
When separated parents are unable to agree on anything, what happens to their children?
In a recent case, the courts were presented with a situation that was the culmination of years of infighting, bitter accusations, and toxic parenting.
The couple had two girls, aged 8 and 6, and according to the judge, the children had been “embroiled in the most bitter of disputes between their parents for almost the entirety of their young lives”.
“The apparent mutual disrespect that each of these parents have toward each other and their respective roles in the lives of their children, coupled with their mutual inability to comply with court orders, has ensured these children have not seen a moment of relief from exposure to their parents’ acrimonious crossfire,” the judge said.
Several independent experts, including a family report writer, who had been in contact with the family formed “a very dim view” of the parents, and their levels of conflict.
Throughout the years-long battle over who the children would live with, both parents wanted sole parental responsibility.
The mother at one point alleged the father had been sexually abusing one of the girls – this accusation was discredited. The father alleged the girls had been exposed to violence in the mother’s home due to her new partner – this wasn’t fully proven either.
The family report writer recommended the children attend a support program to “realise they are not the only children in the world with parents that are so dysfunctional that they can’t make an arrangement that lasts”.
She also recommended the parents receive counselling.
The judge noted that each parent had been guilty of “weaponising” the children against each other, and was keen to “limit the ability of either parent to sabotage the relationship that the children have with the other parent”.
The judge ordered that both parents have equal shared parental responsibility and that the children live with each of them on a week-about basis.
The parents were ordered to communicate only via a communication book or communication app.
School holidays and special occasions were also divided equally, and the parents were ordered to not discuss court proceedings in front of the children, and to refrain from denigrating the other parent in front of the children.
“I am deeply concerned that these children are at ongoing risk of emotional harm if they continue to be caught in the crossfire of their parents,” the judge said.
“… I see no basis at the present moment for the children to live solely with one of the parents, to the exclusion of a meaningful relationship with the other parent in the short, medium or long term.”
Here at Michael Lynch Family Lawyers, we know dealing with separation, divorce, and parenting arrangements can be an emotional time. But it’s vital that you try and remember to put your children and their needs first.
Our family law experts can help you with every aspect of parenting matters, and try to avoid a bitter, drawn-out fight with your former partner.
To make an appointment, contact our office on: (07) 3221 4300 or email: [email protected]
